if

I've been contemplating these if's during tram rides and walks and scribbling my answers into my journal whilst listening to more podcasts of journalists talking about house prices. These are exactly the kind of random things I ask people I don't know very well out of the blue at 1AM. I'd much rather know what kind of sea animal you'd be than what kind of genre you think is sooo underrated. Mostly, though, I just really like random information about people. (And if you've never thought about the sea animal question, now might be the right time. You never know when you might meet my doppelgänger and it's best to be prepared.)

if i were
a month, i would be: April (changeable!)
a day of the week, i would be: Sunday (yes yes yes)
a time of day, i would be: 10AM
a planet, i would be: Earth, obviously
a sea animal, i would be: a seal
a direction, i would be: North
a piece of furniture, i would be: a sofa
a sin, i would be: acedia
a historical figure, i would be: Louis XVI, probably
a liquid, i would be: milk
a stone, i would be: a pebble
a tree, i would be: a birch
a bird, i would be: a sparrow
a tool, i would be: a screw driver
a flower/plant, i would be: a daffodil
a kind of weather, i would be: sunny with occasional showers, 16°C
a mythical creature, i would be: Athena (not a creature, but yeah...)
a musical instrument, i would be: the piano
an animal, i would be: a bear (or, more likely, a deer)
a colour, i would be: pale blue
a vegetable, i would be: spinach
a sound, i would be: the sound of someone swallowing because they're nervous
an element, i would be: air
a car, i would be: something drawn by a child, but never a real car
a song, i would be: "Put The Book Back On The Shelf" by Belle and Sebastian. Especially the trumpets.
a movie, i would be directed by: Gus Van Sant (circa 2005), or Richard Curtis in my ridiculous moments
a book, i would be written by: Francis Wyndham, definitely
a food, i would be: potatoes. topped with butter and salt.
a place, i would be: a side street, a hidden courtyard
a material, i would be: cotton
a taste, i would be: cinnamon
a scent, i would be: apple cake and soap
a religion, i would be: catholicism
a word, i would be: why
an object, i would be: a teacup
a body part, i would be: an eye
a facial expression, i would be: a half-amused frown
a subject in school, i would be: history
a cartoon character, i would be: Calvin, or maybe Hobbes, or both at once
a shape, i would be: a line
a number, i would be: two